The King of Cleveland

It’s only a few hours away people. The most anticipated free agent class is NBA history. Hell, this could be the most anticipated class in sports history. And at the top of the pile is the King of Cleveland himself, Lebron James. The rumors have been absolutely ridiculous. As I write this, the hot rumor is that Lebron and Chris Bosh will be joining Dwyane Wade in Miami. By the time I finish Lebron will be leaving basketball to star in the sequel to Zombie Strippers, Zombie Strippers 2: Hot Sauce in my Bag. No rumor too shocking in this NBA. All the rumors have sent a large chunk of Cleveland into a pit of despair…but not this guy.

I can see why people would think he is leaving. First of all, this city has a tendency to expect the worst due to the alleged Cleveland sports curse. No need to run through the list, but when you are used to getting the worst, you come to expect it. Second, the media has been spending weeks treating Lebron leaving Cleveland like a foregone conclusion. Depending on the day of the week he’s going to New York, Chicago, New Jersey, Miami, or even Los Angeles. Finally, Lebron hasn’t done the fans any favors by spending years now refusing to commit to Cleveland.

Despite all this, I’m 100% confident that Lebron James will stay, and here are my reasons:

#1: Lebron James owns this city. There is absolutely no personality that can even come close to touching the persona that is Lebron James in Cleveland. I’m certainly not seeing any Indians players getting giant billboards, or any Browns. He knows that this city depends on him. He has a huge impact socially and economically, and that is magnified even more because he’s a local kid. Look at any other city that is attached to him, and he’s another big fish in another big pond. Which leads into my next point…

#2: Lebron needs to be the top dog. His ego wouldn’t allow anything less. You’ll have that when you’re one of the world’s greatest athletes. Let’s be honest. Lebron probably refers to Lebron in the third person. He probably loves all of this right now. An entire city hanging on his every move. Lebron doesn’t want Lebron sharing the spotlight with Jeter, Kobe, Jordan, etc. Handling this the way he has gets him even more attention, and it sets up for a glorious return.

#3: C.R.E.A.M. History has shown us that when athletes say it’s not about money, it’s about one thing: the money. I don’t see Lebron leaving $30 mil on the table in this economy, and you know the Cavs won’t even consider a sign-and-trade. However…

#4: Maybe it actually is about winning with Lebron. If that’s the case, where does he have the best shot? Has to be Cleveland. All things considered, he’s not going to Miami to play second fiddle to Wade. New York has made losing an art form, as have the Clippers. New Jersey was historically bad last year. People make a big deal of the Russian billionaire, like having money somehow makes you a great owner (see: Snyder, Dan). Chicago can offer Derrick Rose. Lebron needs the ball to work. Derrick Rose needs the ball to work. There’s strike one. The rest of the Bulls roster isn’t that great, probably equal to the Cavs at best. People throw out Noah like he’s the second coming of Christ when in reality he’d be a bench player on most playoff teams. That’s not much of an incentive to go, and don’t talk to me about Chris Bosh. He’s going to every team in the league right now. So that’s strike two. Finally, the Bulls are a historically stingy franchise. Does anyone really see them getting two max guys and then paying Derrick Rose? Don’t think so, which makes this a dumb move for LBJ. Strike three.

#5: This is home, and we’ve all been led to believe that Lebron cares deeply about this city. If nothing else, his brand is built around loyalty, commitment, etc. Leaving could shatter an image that has been built up for years. Image aside, we know he’s a mama’s boy, and his crew is super-close. Leaving changes the whole dynamic of his life. A big change for a guy who’s still hanging out with his high school crew. I believe he loves Cleveland, and he’ll choose with his heart.

So there you have it. Like the slogan says. Born here. Raised here. Plays here. STAYS HERE.

Indians Fever I'm Not A Believer

It’s no secret that the Indians have become an afterthought in this town. With the King holding Cleveland hostage and the new Browns regime, the Indians have taken the backseat in Cleveland sports.

I’ve spent my whole life living in Cleveland. I’m 23 (24 this Sunday!), so I was just starting to really come into sports consciousness around the time that the Indians were starting their great ‘90’s run.

My fondest sports memories are of those teams. I remember 1995 like it was yesterday. I was rooting for Carlos Baerga, screaming when I saw T-25, Thomenator come up on the scoreboard at the stadium, and ecstatic when Kenny Lofton signed my hat. The best birthday present I ever received was getting my name on that scoreboard.

Now football is my favorite sport to watch, and basketball is my favorite to play, but baseball is my favorite experience. Or at least it was. It used to be that I could stomach a bad team. A day at the park was still great (and the Jake is a great park to have that experience). But this organization has killed my passion for this sport.

It’s about the lack of hope. At this point the bad Indians almost provide a sense of relief. I’ve realized that I’d rather have this bad team than a good one where we trade everyone I root for away at the first sign of trouble. Nothing is more of a big "suck it" to your fan base than getting rid of players without even trying to sign them. I get that guys will leave and you want something for them. But they don’t always leave. This is still a great town, and for every Albert Belle or Manny Ramirez there is a Kenny Lofton or Omar Vizquel.

Then you get the prospects. Baseball 101 will tell you that prospects will either fail or succeed. But if you’re an Indians fan it’s a lose-lose. If they fail you get nothing for your great players. If they succeed you’re shipping them out for more prospects. C.C., Cliff, and Victor will tell you. And there’s no doubt in my mind that someday Santana and Sizemore (if he ever comes back to form) will tell you too. And if they somehow manage to stumble into a winning season, then they’ll still trade the stars at the first sign of trouble, and go on about that season like it was the greatest ever until the next one (remember how the Tribe was one win away from the World Series? That’s right, you do because the Dolan’s won’t let you forget).

There was a time when the Indians were the world. I’d wake up, play baseball, eat, and watch the Tribe. Actually going to a game made my week. If I could get out of school for it, even better. A decade later, they’d be lucky to get me for an at-bat. I have no faith in this franchise. My attitude is if they’re not going to try, then why should I?

Maybe 1995 spoiled me. But I don’t care. I’m sick of it. I want something to cheer for. I want a commitment to winning. I want to be passionate about the Indians again. But I know it won’t happen. And that’s what makes the Indians so soul-crushing.

I want you to want me

Salutations all,

As this is my first blog, I will dedicate it to telling you about something very important: me!

As I write this, I’m assuming you’re reading for one of three reasons: 1. You’re a fan of the Really Big Show, and you’ve always thought, gee, I wonder what Tim/Grasshopper thinks about (insert topic), 2. You’re already a friend of mine, or 3. You just stumbled upon this. In any case I’m here to entertain.

I was born and raised in Cleveland, and when it comes to sports I generally feel the same way you all do. The Indians have crushed my passion for baseball, I drink the kool-aid on the Browns every summer, and I expect a national championship from the Buckeyes every year. The main difference between you and I would probably be that I’m 100% in belief that Lebron James is staying in Cleveland.

My schooling career began at Our Lady of Angels, and went on to St. Ed’s. It’s a weird thing going to an all guy school. It’s literally the most fun you can have without the opposite sex, yet 90% of people who haven’t done it don’t see how you could. I am also a proud Falcon from THE Bowling Green State University. I don’t ever plan to tell any tales of debauchery here, but I’ve met fellow BG alums (no names please), and we’ve brought each other to tears telling stories. Chances are if you went to there you’ve got at least one incredibly ridiculous story to tell.

My interests are a combination of nerdery (pretty sure this isn’t a word), sports, and pop culture. I get way too excited for anything regarding Batman, I read books like Pride, Prejudice, and Zombies, and I become infatuated with the stupidest things (see: Zombie Strippers). I despise reality TV, but when I run into Daisy of Love I can’t change the channel. I’m addicted to It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Dexter, Rescue Me, and Californication. Musically, I’m all over the place. I love classic rock more than anything. One thing you should know: I have a dog, and I’ve named him after the most amazing band ever. His name? Zeppelin. I’m also big into Rise Against, Smashing Pumpkins, and Weezer. I mix in a little rap and even less country. I’m not from the Chris Fedor school of music, but I throw in a little Katy Perry and Lady Gaga from time to time as well.

I have an incredibly dirty sense of humor. The kind that would have the FCC pushing for the death penalty. To this day when I meet Really Big Show fans they bring up me telling the RJ Boland’s chick I wanted to tie her down, and when I said I liked Ms. Pac-Man because “she swallows.” I’ve also had numerous Bonus Round questions that Rizz has flat out refused to use. This all pales in comparison to my brand of comedy outside of 9am-noon, although I can tell you that someday there will be a gloryhole question on the Bonus Round.

When it comes to working on the Really Big Show, it’s something I sort of fell into. I came to ESPN Cleveland to do marketing and promotions. Actually being on the radio never once crossed my mind. Then Hammer asked me to work on the Really Big Show. A couple thousand Bonus Round questions later and I’m having a blast. It’s sort of surreal, both working on RBS and everything else that’s gone on at ESPN Cleveland. Not many people can say Michael Reghi and Mark “Munch” Bishop broke down their eighth grade football championship on the radio, and not many people can say they’ve had Tony Rizzo shout them out on twitter (http://twitter.com/RizzGood2BAlive/status/14521750355). I also doubt anybody else has had Greg Brinda call them “Grass-slopper.” And of course I can’t forget about the great Wink Silvermat. It’s something that I enjoy everyday, and those are just the on-air people!

Well that’s enough word-vomiting for today. Hope you all enjoyed. Stay tuned for the next one. It will be a blog about…something!